Your Worst Nightmatre: Trying to Find a House in Charleston

WAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Help me! My lease ends on July 31st and I had this delusional idea that just because I wasn't confined to only searching downtown, that I would have SO many options and possibilities. But now...

I ONLY HAVE 14 DAYS TO FIND A PLACE TO LIVE! What is wrong with me??!! I let summer rot my brain and I just procrastinated with my most important responsibility: shelter.

So I'm looking EVERYWHERE in Mount Pleasant and downtown. If you know of any openings or suggestions, HELP A SISTER OUT! Anywhoo, this is what makes house hunting in Chucktown so unique.

1) Every house either smells like weed, mildew from flood damage, cat pee or nasty fraternity smell that drunken brothers leave behind.

2) "Palmetto" bugs become your best friend and if you complain about them to your landlord they say, "Oh that's just Charleston. Deal with it." You will try to fight your new found friends and you will lose.

3) You will experience an infestation at some point {two of my houses had PSYCHOTIC termites}.

4) Every house, downtown anyway, is so "historic" that you can literally slide down your hallway because it's so lopsided. This is actually usually due to earthquake damage. I really just think that all the Charleston architects were drunk. {My landlord literally told me the only thing holding up our house is one rod at the the base of the structure.}

5) Every home has it's quirk. {EVERY electrical outlet in my house is upside down}

6) Every home has history. {my house last year was rumored to be one of the first homes in Charleston built by a freed enslaved person}

If you read this, hopefully you are a friend. A friend that can either help me find a home or borrow your backyard so I can pitch a tent.

Peace easy,

the fourth month.

P.S. Literally while I'm typing this I'm not even worried about finding a place. Instead I keep replaying this and laughing my face off.