Phrases that are weird as sh&t...

There are a lot of idioms and phrases that I believe were developed just to screw up non-native speakers in there 100 level courses of English. Here are a few and whoever came up with them is just a buttwad.


1) Play by ear...
Ex. I don't know what we should do today. Let's just play it by ear.

Ew. I don't want to play with ANYONE'S ear. Some people's ears are weird and other people's ears are dirty. No thanks.

2) To know something by heart...
Ex. He knows his grandmother's address by heart.  

My heart is not logical. That's why it gets me in crazy/scary/emotional situations. My heart sucks and anything it knows I want it to keep to itself. So your grandma's address is probably a doorway to doom.

3) Keep your eyes peeled...
Ex. The insane clown escaped from the circus. Please keep your eyes peeled for him.

I'll say it again, EW. First of all peel is a nasty word anyway (like moist or dump) and it should be eradicated from the English language. 2nd, if you peel your eyes I guarantee you won't be able to find what you're searching for.

4) He stood me up...
Ex. I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I got stood up.

Shouldn't this be "he knocked me down and destroyed my self-esteem"?! I thought when you help someone stand up it was a positive thing? Canceling on a date without informing the other is MESSED UP. 

That's it for my rant and raves.

Peace easy losers,

the fourth month.